Mayb it's just me but i sometimes feel im bad at being a fren. I try to be a good one. Mayb a least a fren but it seems as the years goes pass i dont qualify to be one. You know when we were younger, when we label our frens as just frens, good frens, close frens and best frens, so which part of that category do i fit into.

Somehow i came up with this conclusion. Mayb the reason why i do not get too close with anyone that much is mayb bcoz there's this rules that frens tell frens everything. And im not prepared to tell people bout my life secrets and i myself sometimes do not wish to know others as it means it adds to more of my problems which in the first place is hard for me to carry. Selfish huh. I know. Haiz.

But that doesnt mean i dont care. You can share part of ur life story to me and i will definately do the same but to an extend i suppose. Trust is the word that i feel is hard to come by.

And hav u in a particular moment, even when u are surrounded with great people it's hard for you to smile. You seriously do not hav a problem but you just cant smile. Even if you do, you kno it's so plastic. Funnily, at that particular moment you just feel that you wish to go somewhere - quiet, peaceful and with a company that you feel extremely comfortable with even without any words spoken.

But sometimes to be forgotten completely it hurts and mayb bcoz if that i learn never to expect too much from someone too much.
I do wonder then, since frenship hurt-ness sometimes juz kills how bout love hurt-ness. wouldnt you feel like dying? And so now you kno why wen u ask me if i ever be in love, my simple answer will be no and i dont plan to for a long time i guez. haa .. Weird isnt it that i've given up on love wen i never even experience it. Well .. love comes in lots of different form. Mayb the ones i've received so far is just sufficent enuf.

Im so unsure of what im looking for and seek to find. Time is ticking and im slowly reaching THE age of 'freedom'. Freedom to what i havent got the slight idea. What im worried about now is to survive. Im so afraid of the future. Should i just giv up what i wana persue now for the sake of my siblings? right now im totally not helping. haiz

tOodlEs 4/04/2007 08:14:00 PM