Have you ever when someone said something to you, it just hurts and put you down in the dumps. Although you tried not to dwell on it but you just can't help it and suddenly you just can't seem to smile. The words just got stuck to you. Damn mojojojo (a nickname for someone) ... hate him! And to she, i've been doing my share of work and there you were complaining to everyone and making them looking down at me!

Had iftar yesterday at my aunt's hse. It's whereby we had a small family gathering and we break our fast together. And as expected, the food was great and yummy and had fun mixing around with my cuzziez but then the stupid thingy as said above happened. ArGhHhh ... juz make my blood boil taking bout' it ... Man!!!
Anyway, my grandparents are going to umrah next week. Hmmm ... wonder when will i be able to perform my haj to mecca. Not only going there is compulsary for every muslim once in their lifetime but i've been really wanting to go and see the beautiful & holy-ist place on earth! =)

For today, juz stay at home and cleaned up the house as usual. But sometin' farnie happened. While i was watching tv ard the afternoon, suddenly i stood up wanting to go to the kitchen to look for something to eat. hahaha ... totally forgot that i was fasting. Luckily i remebered almost immediately and continue on watching tv. Other than this, n'tin happen .... till tomorrow then ... Toodles ...
10/25/2004 05:36:00 PM

Forgot to add this in my last entry. For Singapore Idol (SI), Maia was voted out. SO sad. I was hoping Christopher to leave. But somehow, i feel that if Maia didn't leave yesterday, one of the day she will. Oh and during the last SI show, Jerry was to go home .... hahahaha .... finally. Not to sound cruel or evil but really, he's B-A-D. Urgh! Still don't know how did he get in the top 12 in the first place. Well, wont care about it anymore since he's gone!

Anyway, today mum and my slder sis went of to KL for an occasion but it's only for a day. They will be back by tomorrow morning. Since mum was out, i was put in charge of the house and also what to cook during breaking fast. After much thought put into it, (of coz, knowing wat to cook needs alot of careful planning ... hahaha) i finally decided to cook fish and chips. The fastest, easiet and yummiest food to eat! Ahahz. And .... my siblings says, it was d-e-a-licious!!! The fish was really tender and juicy. 'bEamS' ... hahaha. Reminds me of the chinese drama serial - Double Happiness. hahaha .... For god sakes, it was only fish and chips! LoL Then had to do some of the household chores. More than usual in fact. But it was managable. =)

Other than this, n'tin exciting happens. But tomorrow, gonna have a family gathering to break fast at one of my aunt's hse. Can't wait for it but at the same time dreading it. Im onli looking forward to the food. At the same time, able to meet my cuz which can see them when there are gathering like this which only occurs mayb once or twice a year. What am i dreading u may ask. Well .... can't really put into words but mayb i feel that it may be a bit boring. I donno. Will update about it tomorrow. Toddles ...
10/23/2004 05:30:00 AM

Really had to wait for a lot of things today. At least not the usual routine that i've been doing for the past week. Firstly, waited so long for my exams results which is realease via sms. One by one all my frens receive theirs and there i was sitting in front of the computer stressed up ... wondering how i fare. AND ..... at long last, my hp finally beep .... AND i juz stared long and hard at my results. SO dissapointing!!!! Wasn't what i was aiming for! Was stoned for a minute or two. Got all and i really meant all C+ for all my subjects except for BCS which i got D+ ... hahaha. Dat one was expected. Still, for the rest of my subjects .... ArGgGHhhhHh .... Somehow, this made me realise what i've been doing wrong all the whole long semester and will try not to repeat it in the next one. I am also do am very thankful that i need not repeat any subjects .... PheW!!! .... Amin ...

Next, waited the whole day for the news whether i got in the mentor thingy i told u guys about earlier. My hopes were all up the whole afternoon thinking that they'll call me soon. But when night came, i was once again dissapointed and thought that i juz couldn't cut out to be a mentor. Can't even take care of myself and here i am hoping to be able to take care of others. HaiZ ... but, unexpectedly, about 8pm, they really called! Can't believe it! I'm in! I do cut out to be a mentor afterall.But can't really be too happy yet coz they say they'll reconfirm again with me again next thursday. 'sHrUghS' .... hopefully i do make it!!! 'crOsS fIngErs'

Then in the afternoon, after my bros came back from their friday prayers, me, my mum and my two bros headed out to Peninsula. Another waiting for me. Firstly only me, mum and one of my bro only den had to wait for a long time for my another bro to come. Ok, hehe ... u're confuse. Hmmm...how to make it more simplified. Ok ... firstly, my bro (khai) wanted to buy some pants and his size can only be found in a shop in peninsula. And so mum and he wanna go there right after the friday prayers. Since two of my jeans are torn ... dont ask ... mum asked me along so i could buy a pair or two. SO we headed off to peninsula and while we were at the shop, mum asked my bro (khair) to call my bro (aiman) to come down as he too ever said to mum that he wanted some pants. And so, eventhough me and my bro (khai) had finish with our purchases, we gotta wait a long time for my bro (aiman) to reach. Took about an hour including him trying out some pants and shirts and decide on what he wants. SO LONG!!!!! Luckily, finally it was done and over with! PhEw!!! Then after that, had to wait for mum to draw out some money and exchange currency .... took about ... haiz, didn't even care to know how long. ( oh, she's going KL tomorrow ) Still, another waiting.

There, told ya did a lot of waiting today ... sometimes, in waiting like in results, a lot of scenarios do play in ur mind but when the time comes, everything that u thought possible didn't come true. Ahahz ... SO the moral of the day, learnt to have more patience and dont think too much. Juz goes with the flow. 'wInkS' ... Toodles!
10/22/2004 05:58:00 AM

Ma ThoUghTs

If i have the power
I would change the world
Make it full
Of love and hope
Sprinkle with faith and trust
And a bowl of happiness
All mix together

If i were to make a wish
I would wish that
Everyone have a complete
And happy family
Filled with love and care
Plus the feeling
Of togetherness

If i were be granted a magical gift
I would make all the orphans
Have a lovely home
I would make all the animals
Not to be abuse and treated badly
And all pets to have a caring owner
For everyone to fall in love
And find their perfect one

Boderline is that
Hopefully,
Love do exist
Eveywhere and anywhere
For anything and everything
And everyone
For love changes everything

10/21/2004 08:09:00 PM

How do u guyz like my new blog skin? Suddenly one day just thought of changing it. Haven't finish doing so but still i like it! Yup yup yup ... a brand new look! Only for my blog but still the same old asy! =P
Hmmm ... right now don't know what to blog down. Nothing much have been happening ... well, the story of my life. A boring story i may say. My daily routine is now wake up early for 'sahur' den after the subuh prayers watch some tv before falling back to sleep. Den wake up late in the afternoon do my prayers again and watch some more tv and do prayers again den watch more tv den prepare to break fast den after that pray again then watch tv again untill late in the night and den do my prayers again before going to sleep. And what's with the so many prayers you may ask. Well, it's n'tin as we muslims have to pray five times a day everyday. And what with the a lot of watching tv. Hmmm ... wat should i do if not watch tv. My computer is practically someting wrong with it and could only use my bro's if he's fast asleep. And yup ... it's already 3pm and he's still asleep!
Haiz ... been doing this over and over for days now. Feel like going out but to where and right now, no money. Unless if there's any good soul around who suddenly feel like giving me a treat .... i wouldn't mind! hahahaha ... Anyway, will go back to watch tv. Mac Gyver ( i think wrong spelling. But who cares ) is on .... Toodles!!!
10/20/2004 09:00:00 AM

The fasting month is finally here! YaY!! You must be wondering why the excitement of not being able to eat for a whole day ... no ... not diet but well, somehow, it's just the feeling i get when this month comes. A great feeling. Not like any other. And also, the feeling of togetherness as a family when we gather to eat in the early morning and also at sunset. Can't eaxactly explain what is it but it's just it! hahaha ... i know im not making sense ... hahaha ...

Anyway, yesterday yesterday = friday, had a mentor thingy interview. Hmm..not exactly know how to expalin but if ur chosen den u will have to be a mentor to some foreign student to help them adapt to life in Singapore. AND they are stuck with u and u to them for two years! But it's an experience to gain from. Something to learnt. SO i thought why not give it a try. If i get in, then it'll be great if not, mayb a blessing in disguise. Then after the long awaited interview is finally over, me and di headed to TM to kill time. It was also the first day of the fasting month. So to grab lunch is so out of the question. Therefore, we decided to watch a movie .... Ouija Board. A scary movie i may say so but not the type that make you jump out of your seat or make you scream. But then, i was shutting my eyes most of the time. Hate those eyes on possess people or the ghost/spirits. 'sHivErS' Right now, im officially broke ... had watch three movie within a week and now only left two bucks in my wallet. SO peepz who wanna ask me out, gotta 'blanja' me ... hahaha... Well, gotta go back to finish up my chores ... Toodles!!

:: tO aLL mY mUsLim fRenS ... SeLamAt MeNjaLAnI iBadAh pUasA!!! ::
10/17/2004 07:42:00 AM

Had a good time today!!! Went out with Mel, Arthur, Angel, Althea, Siew Chin & YY to watch movie and to play pool. But then, had to cancel the idea of playing pool coz over at town there, the rate is quite ex. Maybe we'll go out again together for a game of it but then will somewhere at Tampines or Bedok. Hmmm ... wonder wen. Can't wait for that.
Anyway, finally i got to watch White Chick. It was so damn funnie!! I love it! I laughed my heart's out at some or is it most of the parts and the two 'white chicks' were totally cool! hahahaha ... gd show to distress. =) But in order to watch this really had to persuade mel to watch it again as she had watch it yesterday with her mum .... and ... finally she gave in. Thanks mel! 'mUacKz' If not they were also deciding to watch Wimbleton - which i watch already!!!
Then after the movie, it was still early and sice we had cancel our plan to play pool, we went all over town from somerset to orchard back to somerset for .... window shopping!!! But most of the shops we went in were pink all over. I was soon seeing pink where ever i go! GoSh!!! ... had headache soon afterwards ... hahaha. But was really fun! espacially went you window shop with friends =) Really really a great day ... but if there were more people would be better! Maybe the next time ... very soon. I hope .. if not im going to have a B.F .... hahahaha .... Toodles
10/14/2004 04:23:00 PM

A long time since my last entry ... somehow doesn't feel like blogging too often. Can't really express what you really actually feel and so apart from having this, my diary is where i've been writing in. Stupid ... i know. Having two places to write your feelings. Hmmm ... how to explain? Can't really do. So peepz, go figure!

Anyway, last monday went to Sentosa with fate and di. We planned on having potluck whereby i brought fried chicken and mi goreng, di brought sandwitches and nuggets and fate would bring the beverages and snacks ... well, we need to save money. A meal there could cost a bomb! And can you believe that a small bottle of ice lemon tea that you can buy anywhere here that cost at least $1.20, cost $3 there!!! I practically froze upon hearing that! OMG!!!! SO expensive! One disadvantage of tourism .... hahaha ... prices juz shoots up!

We reach Sentosa about 10.30am and straight away headed out to Palawan beach. Since it was monday and it isn't yet school holidays, the place wasn't that crowded. Only there were lots of tourist. Mostly i think are from Korea or Japan.
Anyway, the sun was perfect during that time untill when it was nearly to 12 when everything starts burning up. It was so damn hot! And so i moved under a shady spot under a coconut tree to enjoy the light breeze and juz relex ... while for di and fate, they took this opportunity to get roasted under the hot burning sun as they spread 'body butter' on themselves so as to get tanned more easily. I really don't see the point of doing that. Some more ain't the afternoon sun contains lots of harmful UV rays? Hmm ... maybe it's juz me - overreacting. But it's true ritez? Dont know why people would juz lie down under the sun for hours to get themselves baked. 'scratching head'. Continue on ... i was so enjoying myself under my shady spot accompanied by the light breeze and music from my MP3. How wonderful should life would be like this everyday! Hahaha ... dream on asy. This is Singapore! hahaha ... you can afford to do this everyday ... unless u own a beach house near a beach! haiz ... How cool it would be!!!
So from about 12 way to 3pm ... i think, fate and di were basking themselves in the sun having fun ... well, that's what they say. 'shrugs' By 4.30pm, they were all dressed and clean up. So we decided to hop on the monorail and cover all the stations ... from stn 1 to 6. Oh and di and fate were totally red all over like a lobster and a crab ... hehe.
But actually, i really wanted to stay till the night to go watch the musical fountain! sigh ... how i miss it so. But they were tired and in pain and hence we headed home. But really, i do wanna walk around Sentosa, enjoy the night time there. It would be so beautiful. Hmm .. maybe next time. Anyone who wanna go Sentosa to have fun and juz not to have a tan, call me up! Be glad to join! =) Really miz the time when my family went to Sentosa together. We really had lots of fun. Espacially having lots of siblings like i do, it juz adds up!
And so, we were soon back in Singapore about 6pm and reached home about an hour later. Overall, really had fun! ... to a certain extend ... =) Oh and will update the pixs we took soon ... when my computer is ok.

Then on tuesday, went out with my bro and elder sis to watch Wimbleton. A good movie. A lot to learnt from. Firstly, have a goal ... set urself an aim and try reaching for it. Next, be focus ... know what you're targeting and achieve it. Then, never give up ... even if you fail, pick yourself up and do it all over again and learnt from your mistakes. But overall, you need to believe in yourself even if the people around you doubt that you could do it. Because, you know yourself the best. Go beyond your limits, encourage yourself and do your best. And sometimes, you just need a special someone to believe in you and help you when you're down and out and also when the rest of the world looks down on you ... BUT Remember, anything's possible! =) if you believe!!!

After that, hang out with my sis to kill time before the start of our class later at 7.30pm. And so, firstly went to the arcade to play a game or two or three or four. Then juz window shopping around TM before we headed to Starbucks to have some iced coffee while waiting to pick up our littlest brother from school. And so, after my littlelest brother arrived, we sent him home while we headed to our class at the nearby CC ... and what class you may ask? Well, i took a conversational chinese class where they teach us how to speak in madarine ... hahaha ... i know u'll never believe it but well, not only do they PM encourages us Singaporean to speak in madarine but also nearly 90% of my classmates are chinese and sometimes, they tend to speak in madarine 75% of the time. SO need to understand them AND ... since i'll be into the tourism industry, it will be a good thing for me. =) But after the first lesson, right now still forgot some of how to pronounce the characters ... need practice! Luckily my sis is in the class too and so be able to practice with her. In addition, really gotta know it coz KaiLi says she's gonna try talking to me in chinese when school reopens .. so to KaiLi ... have mercy!!! LoL ... still struggling! hahaha ... but will try my best though. Who knows if i've master chinese, maybe i'll take up french, spanish, arabic or even japanese ... hahaha ...

Now, gotta go back to watching my VCDs ... having a marathon with my bro ... Toodles!!!
10/13/2004 07:43:00 AM

You do not know what it feel like to have your heart beats so fast and it felt as though it's going to pop out anytime. Then your whole body starts shaking due to the too strong heartbeat and u try so hard to gasp for air without attracting too much attention to urself. As you walk one step at a time, your heart just starts pumping harder and your eyes starts to blur and your mind starts screaming stop and you really feel like stopping and just lie down at where u are ... with all the crowd around. But you push yourself forward just to reach home ASAP. When suddenly you can't take it anymore and you just have to sit down to breath. You starts to analyse what is the best way to get home fast. The bus interchange is far too long a distance to walk and the taxi fare will cost u much. How u wish you could call someone to pick you up or juz drive urself back home.
When this situation happens, you will den forgot some things you need to buy or been ask to buy. Then, you are blamed and pointed fingers at, making you feeling all guilt inside ... without the person knowing what you've been through. Unless ........ u drop dead or faint at the stop where it happens. 'SigH' ....

Dont even know why such entry but it's just something i've been feeling sometimes. To those who do understand, thxs ... and those who doesn't and try to, thxs but nope ... u can never will till u experience it for urself. Peace ... Toodles
10/10/2004 02:57:00 PM

Once again ... why oh why did ppl vote for jerry ... man! are they deaf or what! Sheesh!!!! UrGh! Pls lah ppl ... vote for the best. Not the one you think is cute or handsome or the he/she is ur friend!

Anyway, today marks the beginning of a long waited holiday after months of adapting to new school life, adapting to doing sooo much projects and finally completing the end sem exams! PheW! What a ride i've been on. One thing im counting on is that hopefully i need not take the sub paper for any subject. 'cross fingers & toes'

Right now, got no idea what to do for the holidays. Thought of getting a job ... but where? And i feel im a bit lazy of doing so. Thinking of rotting at home but then life's too short to rot ... LoL. Or mayb go out w/ some friends for movies or shopping but too broke to do so ... haiz ... someone help me in making such decision ....
But for next week got a few things plan. Firstly gonna go out with di and fate to hav some fun. Den watch movie with my elder sis. Next, watch movie den play pool with some of my friends and ... erm ... dats about it. Oh and gonna start a class next tuesday. Well blog about it when it commences. SiGh ... so gonna go broke by next friday ... hahaha. But gonna enjoy maself first before coming of next friday ... 'drumroll' .... tHe faStiNg MtH. During this mth, think im gonna spend more of my time with god to whom sometimes, i feel i've been neglecting. Like i said before. Gonna set my pirioties straight. So many sins i've done ... too many in fact. Been feeling guilty. SigH ... So mayb what im gonna do is ... live one day at a time and enjot each day to the fullest and leave tomorrow's problem for tomorrow ... watcha' think? Toodles ... (",)

p/s .. hey peeps if u think my this entry is kinda messy ... dont worry ... me too ... LoL
10/08/2004 05:46:00 PM

Today was the starting of a surreal nightmare! HAd my IntHtm papers and sigh ... think i can only pass. Please let me pass ... PLEASE!!! But it was alright ... i guez ... could answer most of the qns only some the ans juz doesn't want to come out ... only part of it. Still, i wrote it down. In case who knows i may get correct ... 'cross fingers'.

Then got our CommSkill results. A B+ for our report but for my summative test, a freaking D! ArGhHh ... Hopefully my other components in CommSkill can help pull up my marks .... 'cross toes' ... LoL

Speaking of the CommSkill marks, something funnie happened. Someone to Fate who tell me to pass on the message to meet in front of LT 18 after our exams. For what? Our CommSkill test results. So we were quite anxious and afraid to get it back as we knew that we did badly. But ... when we arrived there, LCM was there with arthur who are there together with a cake for HuiLAn .... hahaha .... so funnie!!! All of us thought that Mdm Meenachi was gonna meet us there but it turns out that we were to celebrate HL birthday! Talk about miscommunications! LoL

Anyway, after lunch, me and di thought of studying FFB and in the end we only did about hmmmm... 15%! We both were so drained out b'coz of IntHtm earlier and we are lacking of sleep!!! So mayb now i go tak a shut eye for a while b4 studying for FFBS again. Toodles!

:: HAPPY 17th BIRTHDAY HUI LAN ::
10/05/2004 12:47:00 PM

This is nice ... to those who wondered what love is, read this! =)

It is a mystery why we fall in love. It is a mysteryhow it happens. It is a mystery why love sometimes grows and why it sometimes falls. You can analyze and look for some reasons and causes, but you will never do anymore than take life out of the experience.
Love is more than the sum of the interests and attractions and commonalties that two people share. And just as life itself is a gift that comesand goes in its time, the coming of love must be taken as an unfathomable gift that cannot be questioned in its way.
Too often, when love comes to people, they try to grasp the love and hold it to them, refusing to see that it is a gift freely given, that freely moves away.When they fall out of love or the person they love feels the spirit of love leaving, they try desperately to reclaim the love that is lost rather that acceptingthe gift for what it was.They want answers --- there are no answers.
They want to know what is wrong with them or they try toget their love to change, thinking that if some small thing were different love would bloom again. They blame their circumstances. They blame eachother. They try anything to give meaning to what has happened. But there is no meaning beyond the love itself, and until they accept its own mysterious ways, they live in a sea of misery.You need to treat what love brings you with kindness.
If you find yourself in love with someonewho does not love you in return, be gentle withyourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Love just didnt choose to rest in the other person's heart. If you find someone else in love with you toward whom you feel no love, feel honored that love came and called at your door, but gently refuse the giftyou cannot return. Do not take advantage, do not cause pain. How you deal with love is how lovedeals with you, and all our hearts feel the same pains and joys, even if our lives and ways are very different.If you fall in love with another who falls in love with you, and then love chooses to leave, do not try to reclaim it or to assess blame. Let it go. There is a reason and there is a meaning. You will know it in time, but time itself will chooses the moment. Remember this. Keep it in your heart YOU DONT CHOOSE LOVE, LOVE CHOOSES YOU.All you can do really, is accept it for all its mystery when it comes into your life. Feel the way it fills you with overflowing then reach out and give it away. Give it back to the person who brought itto you, give it to others who seem poor in spirit.Give it to the world around you in any ways you can.Love has its own time, its own season, and its reasons for coming and going. You cannot bribe it, coerce it, or reason it into staying. If it chooses to leave your heart or from the heart of your lover,there is nothing you can do and nothing you should do, be glad that it came to live for a moment in your life. If you keep your heart open, it will surely come again
10/03/2004 07:00:00 PM

Had to sent my bro to his school for his computer class today. Can you believe it that now primary one have to start learning microsoft word! When i was in primary one i don't even know what a computer is and better still how to use it! LoL. Time really have change. Poor them. =P

Anyway, while i was studying in his school as i waited for him to finish his class, then there's this group of primary six girls who sat at the table next to mine. Well, u can't really stop urself from earsdropping when they are practically close to you and speaking so loundly! ahahz. They were discussing which secondary school to go and comparing their marks to the one started on the book showing a whole range on secondary school to choose from. Somehow, it brings me back down to memory lane. When i was in primary six, i never studied. I was so lazy. I never cared about grades or how i scored. As long there's no red marks on my report book or report card, i'll be contented .... hahaha ... still i was aiming for the express stream which was really unreachable. Funnie huh. But during that time, ppl keep saying that express was the best and if u get into any normal stream, u're so stupid. Come to think of it now, it's so ridiculous!
However I never cared about any other secondary school except Pasir Ris Secondary which was where my sis first sec sch. Why? because i really did looked up to her. She was really smarter than me and it seems dad really paid alot of attention to her when she was taking her PSLE. For me ...
So sad ... sigh ... too late. So maybe if i get into the sec sch she did mayb dad would be proud. Stupid right. But during that time, that really makes sense. LoL ... And when i got into Normal Acad, i thought it's the end but when i got the school, i was glad. Mayb he may still be proud for getting into the school even if im in Normal Acad ... hehe ...

Right now, gotta go back to studying. Right now 1/3 through Inthtm ... gotta complete it by tomorrow. Good luck to everyone else too! For all kinds of exams ... end sem, end year, As, Os, Ns, PSLE ... Toodles =)
10/02/2004 03:53:00 PM

Hate the results of SI today! Why didn't that jerry leave!! Why oh why??? His singing is so ... He shd have gone out first or better still not in the top 11 at all!!! So stupid!!! hUmPh!!!

Anyway, this week have been a very busy week. Been studying non stop everyday in school with di from 11am - 8pm. Somehow i feel that studying with someone really helps. Really cleared most of my doubts and we did accomplished a lot! And i can't believe that we really followed what we plan to do! Hmmm ... can't do that if im studying alone at home. Thxs a lot ya di! Mayb next term we shd do this again even if we're in different classes. =) Right now im so drained. So long since i've studied this intense which the last time was when i mugged for the O levels. But can't stop now. Not untill next friday after my last papers which then me, fate and di gonna have some fun! heez .. Can't wait for that! But right now just hope that i can do well for the exams ... and to you guyz oso ... Jia You!!!

Then about few days ago came across the diary i wrote about my stay in hospital for my op. Well ... two hospital stays actually which was about 7 months ago. It made me realise how much i've gone tru. The pain, the aches and the long days of being alone stuck in bed. With so much complications that arises along the way and the buckets of tears i've cried. However, the experience had made me stronger. It had taught me to be grateful and be patient with all things that i'll face. That family are important as they are always there for you and also the value of friendship. What type of friends that stick with you and support you, who try to cheer you up when ur down. Somehow when in such time, true and real friends do show. Even if it's friends u juz met or known. Was something for me think about .... It's really true when they say that true friends are just like a four leaf clover. Difficult to find but lucky to have! Anyway, life have been fair. Though in some days you may feel down and out espacially when everything is not going out for you. But soon ... one day ... u'll realise it was for the best. There is a blessing in disguise. Believe me ... there always will be =) Toodles

10/01/2004 03:35:00 PM