MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Been slacking my sunday away doing absolutely nothing. There's stil lots to do in my to do list such as my capstone subject outline and my portfolio draft for example. But here i am refusing to face the damn slow computer at home that will only make my blood boil since it loves jamming itself up every few minutes.

So i decided to spent this rare and luxurious free time of mine, enjoying the day away as the rain continues to pour down. Only im enjoying this all by myself which is fine by me. Watched The Little Mermaid, Sky High, King Arthur, Phantom of The Opera, Love Actually and the list goes on and right now im filled with a bit of guilt. But dammit! I deserve this break. Im emotionally and physically drained out. A miracle i've survived nearly a month by myself.

Thank so much cha2 for going out with me last monday. It was really a comforting sight to see someone im close to. Seems like it was just recently that we met twice in a week before SIP starts for long chats and juz the company. Love you lots babe.
And i can't wait for tonite. Finally meeting my darlings - audrey, su and nad! At least the sight of them later will give me the motivation for the weeks to come. At least being around them, i get to be myself and not play pretend.

Oh and hav you seen the calender or realise the date? Tml is the 26th!!! That means juz one more month to go! 'grins'

On a seperate note, do you sometimes wonder what's your purpose in life? What you actually suppose to achieve and do before you breath out your last breath without regrets? Sometimes you are so sure what you will be doing and the road you are going to take. But suddenly, at a particular moment, a moment when you have time to sit and think, a tugging feeling and a faint voice remind you that you're not all that. It usually comes and goes but when it appears, it never fails to put you down and you just need all that strength and willpower to move on.

Speaking of moving on, they say never to live life in the past but isn't the past makes you who you are and is a part of what you've become. From your past you learn to judge life and the way you should live and it makes up your character and personality.
Mayb it's just me. Mayb i have too many bottles screwed up tight refusing to let them go. Mayb im proud of the bottles i've collected throughout the years. It's not wrong for me to keep it all hidden and carefully choosing which one shd i open but mayb the content in the bottles that i've been preserving so far are the wrong ones.

Whatever it is, i still have time to figure it all out. My journey to uncover the secrets of life still awaits me. I may be anticipating for its arrival but somehowim afraid of what i'll discover and obstacles for me to face to reach the certain destination. But being able to overcome ur fear is one big of an achievement that will show how strong a person you are.

Much more to write but till here i shall end for now. Toodles! 12/25/2006 05:40:00 AM

When conversation starts, i would perfer to listen and observe. Im very much aware of the topic being discussed but i would prefer to keep my comments to myself. Actually it's amazing what you can actually see by being but not being in a conversation. 'grins'
It's interesting to see what topics pops out and how do people behave during which the conversation is taking place. Wen i do not comment doesn't mean that im boring but since the qns is not dicrected to me, i prefer to keep it to myself. It's better that way.
I can have long endless conversation to anyone. But not wen big groups are involved. It's juz me i guez.

Anyway, i would very much had love to spend the sunday lying down and doing absolutely nothing. Rained the whole day which was the perfect day to sleep the day away. but .. there i was waking up early in the morning to my co. event all the way to 6+ in the evening. But as much as i wanted to say it was a wastefull day, however had to disagree on that. Learn stuff from the seminar that was conducted. The topics brought up was usefull in a sense that you can actually relate to what the speakers are saying. Sadly that for one speaker they only had a few minutes to spare but nonetheless i now understands some stuffs more.

I finally made up my mind. Decided on what im going to write for my final individual project where its outline will be due during the next classroom session. So rite now, research is in progress. I so wanna ace this final subject.

A date with chacha tml! Yay-nEss .. a familiar face finally. hehe

ToodleS 12/17/2006 01:54:00 PM

im trying to cope by living tru each day one step a time. If i stumble then i shall pick myself up and try again. if i done well, i shall give myself a pat on the back and move on to learn more.

A busy week it has been. Werking even on the weekend and tml's going to be the kinderseminar thingy the whole day. Wanted to go out after that with someone familiar .. anyone. but ... all seems to be werking, sick and are booked. haiz. mayb it's best for me to go home straight and rest for the coming week or start writing & reserching on my topic for the last subject or start on my SIP portfolio or write the proposal for trainings.

Im realising my forte doesn't lie with money. In fact i suck wen im dealing with money. Miraculously i did well wen werking in UWW by having to be in-charge of $1,000 worth of float & thousands of sales per day.
Liaisng im okie with it, thinking of ideas and solutions im alright, to do werk using the comp from any programmes im fine but wen money steps into the pix ... woahhh .. haha ..
Not that im saying im that bad but i prefer not to. but if still given the responsibility, i will do it to my best of ability.

After tml, 2 weeks down. waha .. am i the only one counting?

Embracing myself for a long day tml.

Toodles.

'mA tOuts'

Observing the world to embrace the life
Expecting challenges to overcome obstacles
Discovering friendships and tresuring the moments
Learning bout oneself from the failures we make

How is it sometimes
When things are all going wrong
We still hold on
Refusing to let go
Even when it hurts
Demoralising us internally
What exactly that motivates
The thing that help us move on

This inner voice
The faith that we hold
The stregth within
The courage we have
The people around
The person we became
All of which are the key to freedom
Parts of everything i believe
A mixture of all of it i suppose 12/16/2006 03:45:00 PM

time can never pass slower than this. oh god i need the drive and motivation to start the day everyday. Counting days is just killing me. I even sometimes stoop so low to counting hours!

Im grateful for everything .. truely am but i just wish that all this could end if possible ... right now at this moment. sigh.

Im trying so hard dammit but forcing urself to love what you do isn't going to cut it huh. But time will fly and i hope it will zoom pass fast enuf.

tOodlEs 12/13/2006 02:58:00 AM

I survived a week without them. Sometimes i wish i were one of them to say goodbye as well. Alot of changes happened in this few days and had made me evaluate myself if i am good enuf. Just wen myself confidence is slowly rising, it is now back to square one. I've made alot of promises to myself to whr i want to werk in the future. I shall list them all out as and when i deem to. hahaha. but if u want to kno, feel free to ask.

As much as i dread weekdays now, i still have to find something to motivate me to get tru the day, the week and this final two month. Sometimes i do think that i am sometimes slow in understanding stuff. It takes time for me to actually understand something fully and from mistakes i made are the best way that i kno how to avoid them in future. But mayb this is not an advantageous attribute an employer looks out for. Mayb they need someone who is a fast learner and one who doesn't make any mistakes. Mayb it'S just me that is not suitable and it's just me that doesn't fit into their co. vision and mission. Whatever it is, since i'm here i will continue to do things to the best of my ability and whatever happens in between i shall take full responsibility to it.

It's true they say that you will only miss school once you started your internship/attachment. I miss the days whereby i will have to stay up late for research and report/proposal writing, presentation preparation and all the stressfullness and fun-ness in between. I miss feeling sleeping during early morning lectures or the long 2hrs tutorials or the long breaks between classes or the exhaution and the complains and everything related to school.

Bottomline, going to school beats werking .. anytime.

On a seperate note, people are not what they seem to be. No wonder in the real world outside, you can never easily trust anyone and to never keep your guard down. As weird as it seems even how superb you might be you must never outshine your seniors or in any way be better even by 1%. In addition, people will always agree with those at the upper position even when they kno it's wrong and they love to eat up their words. Due to that, backstabbing is sooo common in the working world. As alert and smart you think you are, you can never avoid being stabbed. Yes it do hurt. Alot. but the right thing to do is to move on. Complain a little but move on. Forgive? Mayb. Depends on how deep the stabbing is.

Right now im missing my frens. Su, Brainy, Peiling, Nad, Huiying, Fate, Di, Joey .... pls someone ask me out. i need the comfort of familiar great frens whom i can go crazy with.

Had fun today. Another sis day outing with my elder sis after werk. She planned to go shopping for werk clothes but i ended up going for retail therapy as well. And sooo .. i have to fast for the next 3 weeks. waha.
Ate at Ramen Ten for the first time and im glad to say it was actually not bad. Had fun goin out with sis. Glad that we're actually bonding. Catching up on lost time i suppose but whatever it is im loving it. =)

Thank god tml's sunday. Im totally dead beat. Till then. Toodles!!! 12/09/2006 04:20:00 PM

They made me cry at werk!!! haha

I didnt realise time pass by real quick. Suddenly i wanted it to rewind. Truthfully, i will miss them lots. Thanks for a wonderful three months my dearest Zila, Dee and Veen. I 'hate' you guys for making the video!! FYI i still cry watching it eventhough i've played it zillions times already!!!

Now i have to continue my journey without you guys to share with. Good luck for your future endeavours and pls don't be a stranger aite. I could still remember the first time we met till we became close. Memories i spent with you all, the laughter, jokes and gossips will never be forgotten. My first few months of internship will never be the same without all of ur presence. Thank You for being there. =)

Enjoy the video they made for me. Guarantee you will cry too. haha .. (crying again)




i shall continue my thoughts on my next post coz i'm still crying!!! I SHOULD STOP WATCHING THE VIDEO!!!!

tOodleS 12/01/2006 04:44:00 PM