What if the past years of ur life, ppl view you as someone different but not in a good way and you always feel inferior even if you try to ignore such thoughts and when someone demoralised you so bad in front of you and that was a hard reality slap? how do you bounce back up wen u've been put down so low? how can and will you overcome the challenge of you trying to accept being you wen others possibly can't? What if you whole life you're been watched and talked about behind your back wen the fact you kno they are talking and you can't do anything about it?

What if you are never meant to be loved nor find it? How come people at such a very young age can already openly say they have fallen in love wen all your life you never did? Does that mean that you're juz totally abnormal or that you dont have the heart to fall in love and believe that noone could be so stupid to want to fall in love with you. btw can anyone define what is love? everyone experience love differently but it takes you urself to feel it to define it exactly the way you want it to be. hmmm

What if the dreams that you hope for never will come true but juz be a vivid image in you head and you realise that reality is far too cruel of a place to let a small glimmer of hope to shine tru. What do you do? Get lost in books? but from books you will start dreaming and hoping again. However, it is far much better coz you know you won't get hurt and you will be the master of how the dream will turn out to be. Still dreams are juz meant for ur mind to play around with and shall forever stays there.

What if you know someone who you can't get along well with coz of different personalities. As hard as you try to ignore the dislike-ness feeling, it will still be there. Then how? How do you tolerate a person who is a total opposite of you? There isn't a connection at all and as much as you try hating that person you simply cant coz it will be unfair to hate someone you barely kno. Then how? How do you try to befriend the person?

What if as much and as hard you try to be perfect it will always turn out wrong? Then how do you re-correct it? How do you be the best without making it look so hard? As long as you're called a human being, you can never be free from mistakes. But how do you prevent urself from being viewed as stupid or inefficient when the mistake was being made?

What if all your life you have been this type of person and all you life you thought that being you is totally fine and suddenly being you is not good enuf? How do you break out of that bubble that you so comfortable with and adapt to being someone new? Definately you will feel awkward and very insecure but you know you have to do it. As hard as you try to come of that comfort zone, you will retreat back to it and you will then have this feeling that you had failed. How do you deal with the sense of failure and to make ppl accept that little bubble of urs as well?


OhnO... juz wen i think that my mind is free from all this ridiculous worries, it's all floating back in my head. Thanks to the long bus journey to and from werk. Seems like i've totally surrendered my life to routine job hours and trapped in a certain area which i have no interest in. haiz. what have i got myself into. where's the light at the end of the tunnel? where's the thousand door that should be open wen the one i want closes? where's the blessing in disguise?
ManNnn .. dont tell me im falling into my depression mood again ... i need chocolates and ice cream!!! haiz

tOodlEs 9/21/2006 02:46:00 PM