For these few days, so many serious questions keep popping where ever i go and any conversations that is being started.

First was the topic of my future. The question on whr am im gonna be after poly and whr wld i be in 10yrs time.

Next, was what was my greatest fear. Without anyone realising, i was stumped for a while. That reali got me thinking again. And funnie thing is that it reminded me of dad, and my greatest fear suddenly stood there rite in front of me.
So wat was my greatest fear?
Now they know but can never understand. I myself was too scard to face the fact. I was too busy to be normal. I was too afraid to see the truth even wen it was right there starting straight in my face. But the question got me there and then that i finally should face the truth, the fact that i was different.
They asked if i am sick. They asked if i am ok. but wasnt i there smiling and looking perfectly as i am?
Mayb i am sick. I've been sick my whole life. If you think eating one piece of pill is hard. wait till u see how many of that i swollow each day.
I can never be someone people admire to be nor wants to be with. do i care? mayb a little but mayb it might be a blessing in disguise coz mayb the person who accepts me for who i am is mayb truly the one.

Prior to this, wen i went out with a fren of mine, the topic of relationship came up. And there i was consoling and advicing wen i have no freaking clue on any of this. Advice from the heart mayb, but it got me thinking once again (i shd stop thinking too much!).
Since my sec sch years, some hav been seen or i've been told that they have fallen in love. and suddenly wen another person who is much more preetier or handsome than their partner, they wld fall out of love and easily replace the old with the new.
Even wen someone hav been in a relationship with another for years, they can suddenly break off and said the feeling they had before was gone. How could that possibly be wen for sooo long ur with the person, u kno everything bout them and suddenly 'bam', all gone.
A scary thought if u ask me. but ... wat if u got married. Wen the so called feeling of love is gone, divorce is always the answer rite? mayb or mayb not or mayb you juz need to experience once again the time that u fell in love with that person. but it'S sad really.
Mayb dats y i not into this kind of relationship. Mayb dats y im juz not meant to have one so as to spare me frm getting hurt. Mayb .. who knows ..

Next was about life. Juz how do one goes through it and at the end knows that they have succeed in life? How do one measures their scale of success in life? What is the actual meaning to life and how come some people can pass by it easily while others practically have to overcome so many obstacles. How does one perceive life to be?
A simple one word that brings about so many definations and meanings and insight.

I suddenly realise as one grows older, these things slowly seeps into ur head and get u thinking and u realise that being the once carefree kid you were once before was the best times of ur life. No worries, no cares. but funnily wen u were at dat age, u cant wait to grow up. To be 18, 20, 25 .. etc.

Why so late at nite am i thinking all of this stuff!!! School come back! i need to get my mind on projects!! haha .. so all this stuff can juz leave and bother someone else!! haiz .. a sign mayb. of wat? i myself dont know either.

oh well .. toOdles for now. 4/10/2006 05:54:00 PM