In a few hours time im leaving spore for a short 6D educational trip. how exciting. And .. i juz finished packing in this wee hours of the morning. haha .. and guez wat fills 1/3 of my baggage space ... soft toys!! little cute soft toys that i bought to giv to the orphanage there. =) how nice of me. anyway, wat i shd feeling now is excitment and the thrill of going away but somehow deep inside something is making me afraid. scard to leave and reluctant to go.

mayb i've never travelled on an airplane b4 without my family. mayb im scard of what lies ahead. mayb im scard i didnt pack enuf stuff or that i packed too much making me look so kiasu. mayb im scard as this is the first time im travelling without my family outside spore (msia doesnt count) ........... boderline. im scard.

i admit im not the adventurous type and i prefer to go places where i'll be assured that i'll be safe with my love ones around. I think i should grow up. Everywhere is juz full of uncertainty so we juz have to face each challenges with courage and pray that god will always be on ur side ...

And juz now went to visit a fren's since his dad juz passed away. Suddenly the tought of having to lose a dad hit me hard once again. wats more, tommorow is his death anniversary. 7th ramadhan. After 8 long years, the memory still lingers - the days and years of life without him. And i suddenly realise why i am the way i am. Days after he left i became withdrawn. Mum kept putting me to classes in Mendaki and in this certain course that i attended, i was grouped with these 3 loud irritatting kids. And being quiet and tall they called me names. They kept teasing me behind the teacher's back saying that im weird and all other mean stuff. I cried but to myself. I didnt dare to complain or fight back. At that point of time i hate everything that was going on. I was still too young and too naive to understand what was happening. I juz kno that i had one happy family and suddenly ....

Now .. after being withdrawn and quiet all this while, to crack out of my shell is hard. i find it difficult to open up and say what i feel. im look up to those who could - To people who are more outspoken and to those who are not weird. Oh well .. im learning.

And on sunday had iftar one of my aunty hse. As usual it was anything fun. The same routine of meet, eat, pray, chat a bit and go home. it's sad to see that we cousins aren't that close anymore. We only meet once or twice or trice a year so we dont reali know what going on in each others life. We changed. All of us did ... haiz ...

Alrighty .. need to sleep b4 tomorrow .. and i still havent memorise TP school song. y? tell u wen i get back. haha .. toodles! 10/10/2005 08:24:00 PM