Yesterday was the first time i feel of not having MY way. Yesterday was the first time i felt how hard sacrifising is. Yesterday was the first time how i really really hate my youngest bro and sis.

Ok .. not realli the first time but it's the first time all this happens at the same time and it blew me off real hard. Actually got to kno frm Kevin that the Global Citizenship CDS is still open and i was so happy coz i realli wanna join that but when i called my mum, she told me she got not enuf to support it.
She used to say juz join whatever you think is beneficial for u now and ur future. And yesterday, she took back her words. Not that im angry at her but actually at my youngest bro and sis for using all the money we have now. But they cant see how fortunate they are. Sometimes just feel like slapping them to make them wake up. Mum is now using most of the money to pay for their extensive tuition that cost hundreds of dollars per month. ArgHhhHh .. hate them hate them hate them!!! Just bcoz of they are younger, i have to sacrifise? My bro have 4 days a week of tuition that cost hundreds of dollars plus he now join a badminton class 1 day per week which cost nearly another hundred and there' s my younger sis which too have the same thing minus the badminton. Wen i was young i never have such help. I never went to such great tuition centre. The only place i went was Mendaki. Mum says coz they dont have a father figure and that we are all too busy and that she's afraid they cannot make it she's doing all this. If you just calculate how much money they use, it left me with n'tin.
Now, im have to work my butt off to support myself. Nowadays with hectic schoolwork, i cant affort to work. And i cant tell my mum. Now, not even the end of the month, my wallet is dry. When i asked my mum for $20 for the next week of lunch, she asked me so much questions. I cant tell her that my pay now is really low coz i've not been working. I cant tell her that my back a/c only left with $30. I cant tell her sometimes i have to starve juz to have enuf. I cant tell her anyting that much now juz to lighten her burden.

Cant i kill my youngest bro and sis to do that? ......... im so getting crazy!!!

Since yesterday whever i think of my situation i so feel like crying. I cant cry. I wont cry. It juz no use. People den will say im too emotional and to count myself lucky. Lucky .. me? try stepping into my shoes and see how lucky is it to be me.

To those with lesser siblings than me be grateful! for having younger siblings sucks big time espacially with quite a huge age gap. 7/30/2005 09:01:00 AM